A personal transition

How do you feel when you're out in nature?

It’s an experience for which there are no words. The feeling you get after spending some time outdoors is indescribable. And there's no need for a big deal outing! I simply love being away from all the noise, listening to the sounds of nature… it's a way for me to escape.

I've always said that sport is the only way to leave my troubles behind. If I've got worries, if I'm having a heavy week, I go out on my bike and clear my head. Nature provides the same sort of tonic… a welcome disconnect. It's been part of me since I was a little girl. I feel really good when I'm in the woods. For my parents, it's always been really important to teach us to love, respect, and accommodate nature. So the natural world is really part of me.

In Montreal, despite myself, I lost my closeness to nature. I could feel it. When I needed to get away from the world of performance, I'd come and spend some time at home, in my region, away from the big city. My coaches knew this is what I needed. Sometimes they saw in my attitude, in my body language, that I was “elsewhere” when on the ice. In those moments, they'd say to me, "This weekend, Marianne, you're going to go back to the Saguenay and see your friends and family.” They knew that was what did me a world of good.

I'd come home and find myself back in second place. There are four children in our family; I'm the second, and I just loved returning to my spot in the line. Getting back to my family and my roots was my therapy for a really long time. I was always dying to reconnect with my roots.

You've gone from full-time professional athlete to a more typical life. Transitions can be disturbing. What has your experience been like? What has helped you and could help others in transition?

The transition was a necessary step, a tough one, but I think I've bounced back really well. Everyone goes through transitions, at different intensities. I admit, I was lost. The fact that I'd been doing the same thing for so long… it had become fully me. I wondered who I was, other than an athlete.

It's hard, you lose all your bearings because you don't know what to hold on to. I've gone really far in my questioning and what's done me a world of good is to address the issue, to look at myself in the mirror and confront myself. The process is painful, it's difficult, but it's important.

Now I'm becoming a better person every day because I know who I am. Sport has been at the heart of my personal pathway, but if I'd never been a sportswoman, I'd still be the person I am today. The personality traits I have are my own. I went out and met myself. I gave myself the chance to get to know myself.

What also helped me a lot was joining a group of former athletes who were going through the same thing as me, who wanted to define themselves through something other than sport. We spent a year together, calling ourselves AA, Athletes Anonymous. Later, military personnel and entrepreneurs joined the group. We realized that this wasn't just a story about athletes; it was a story lived by lots of people. With the workshops and meetings, you realize that you're exactly the person you need to be.

For years, I've been defined by what I did, and even now, I'm presented as "Marianne the Olympic medallist." At first, it hurt so much, because I thought, "I'm so much more than that!”

Today, I experience this identity issue differently. Deep down, it's true that I'm an Olympic medallist – no one's going to take that away from me – but I also know who I am, my whole self. I don't need anyone else to convince me, to provide my identity, anymore.